My Story: Choosing Adoption Over Abortion
I was approximately 18 years old when I was told that I wouldn’t be able to conceive. I had severe endometriosis throughout my teens, which can cause infertility. I was heartbroken, thinking I may never have kids of my own. Don’t get me wrong, I was in no way ready to be pregnant. I was still living at home with my parents and sister. Nonetheless, the news still stung. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mom. I loved babysitting and helping with the babies in the church nursery. Now, I might not be able to have my biological children.
However, life goes on! Girl meets boy. Boy and girl stupidly have unprotected sex (you know because she was told she couldn’t have a baby). We all see where this is going, right? PREGNANT!!!! I was 20, still living with my parents, and working at a grocery store. I was, in no way, ready to have a baby. After I got over the initial shock (and my doctor’s original diagnosis was completely wrong) I had to tell my now ex-boyfriend. I was not looking forward to that conversation.
Let’s just say it was bad. His response was for me to have an abortion. That wasn’t even something I had or was going to ever consider. I couldn’t even understand how he could say those words. He was so calm and cold about it. Needless to say he didn’t like my response. The idea of an abortion made me sick.
It’s not the child’s fault for conception. Why should they pay the price for an unplanned pregnancy? There are so many couples in the US that can’t conceive. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. My ex wasn’t ready, clearly. There were people waiting to be able to adopt a child. If placing my child for adoption meant that she would have the chance at a life that I couldn’t give her, then why shouldn’t I help a couple that would love her as much as I loved her?
My first born is now 23 years old. She is happy, healthy, well-educated, beautiful, and loved dearly. She doesn’t have just her adoptive family to lean on, but she has my family as well. My family includes my husband and her four half siblings. I think about what could’ve been, if I chose to have an abortion, and it breaks my heart that anyone would even consider that as an option. While it was emotionally difficult to place her for adoption, I do not regret my decision.
I placed her for adoption in 1994. In 2002, I was pregnant with my husband’s third child. I had a devastating miscarriage. My pregnancy only went to 14 weeks. Unfortunately, my baby’s heart stopped beating at 9 weeks. I miscarried my fully intact, formed baby. The doctor referred to this as a “spontaneous abortion.” I could see his arms, legs, all 10 fingers and 10 toes, and his beautiful face. The nurse did something next that has shaken me to my core to this day. She threw him in the biohazard garbage can. The image of my baby being tossed in the garbage is an image that I cannot and will not ever get out of my head. He was planned and loved.
Written by Jill Wong
If you are unexpectedly pregnant and considering adoption, visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.